Grace for your Place

​“I had no idea it would be this much. I had no idea I could handle it. I had no idea how beautiful it all actually is.” -Tyler Knott Gregson
 
This quote resonates with my soul. So often times I complain that life is too hard or wish my circumstances were different. However, if I really step aside and reflect on all the things God has given me and all the things going right in my life I instantly regret all my words of ingratitude. Why am I not waking up every morning pinching myself because I’m so happy?  I should be, right?  I asked my father this question hoping for some profound insight. Instead of offering this he spoke the words my heart needed most, “me too Caroline, me too.  Life is hard. And it’s so easy to lose sight of how beautiful it really is and how easy we have it compared to some people.”
I never knew being a mother of two children would be this demanding. I never knew taking care of yourself with a full time job and 2 children would be hard. I never imagined having an autistic child. I never imagined dealing with chronic joint pain. I never imagined my husband being deployed for a year. I never imagined a close relative having to battle cancer. I never imagined a close friend battling addiction. I never imagined my baby in the NICU.
All this stuff. Doesn’t it make you just want to shake your fist at God and ask him why. And at the same time you don’t want to pray because it doesn’t make sense, but you know He understands better than anyone. The cross didn’t make sense, and yet somehow he was able to carry through the suffering by finding love.
Maybe He lets these crosses enter our life so we can find Him, draw close to the cross, and find love. Maybe through accepting our sufferings we can become more like Him…more like Love itself. We were not made for this life, and these circumstances are precisely the greatest reminder of that.
A friend called me several weeks ago and told me she felt depressed after breaking up with her long term boyfriend. She said she didn’t feel like she should be sad because she hadn’t endured nearly all the suffering of another close relative.
Comparison is the thief of all joy. So often I believe we numb our pain or sorrows thinking it will make us stronger. So often we think we should or shouldn’t feel a certain way. You are the way God made you and there is nothing more authentic then being true to yourself and owning your feelings. I’m not saying you need to have a pitty party and withdraw into agony for days. Grieving is necessary but we shouldn’t let a spirit of grief take over our life. God created us with a beautiful purpose and the fact that you are alive and breathing means he still has a plan for you. We don’t want to miss His plan by getting stuck thinking about how things used to be and may never be again.
As humans we don’t like change. Consistency brings us comfort and creates less stress. However, as we get older we often become less resilient physically, mentally, and spiritually. But the one thing that is never changing is our good God. And how he longs to Father us during these difficult circumstances. He longs for our hearts to shift their focus onto him.
One of my favorite quotes by Joyce Meyer is “what we focus on becomes the largest part of our life”. One of the things I learned through having a child with autism is when they are focused on something and have trouble shifting their outlook, to redirect them to something exciting, something they can look forward to. Also, sometimes in the moment to help show them how the one toy or shirt or game they aren’t excited about can be exciting. Essentially, to change their perspective. It doesn’t always come naturally but it almost always works.
Maybe you can’t change your circumstances. Maybe things aren’t working out for you right now or you feel like your life is so much harder than it used to be. Change your perspective. Rather than complaining about not having time to eat healthy, get off social media, and meal prep so you can have that time and food, so you can have that energy. Rather than complaining that you can’t run marathons anymore, be grateful that you can run or try a different exercise that brings you joy. Rather than complaining that you don’t have time for yourself or time to pray, wake up 30 minutes earlier. You have time. You have energy. You have an abundant life…if you look for it. Make time for what is important to you, and keep a grateful heart. God will always give you grace for your place if you let Him.