Belonging to Love

​I recently started reading Brene Brown’s “The gifts of imperfection” for the second time.  In this she talks about love and belonging.  In this she talks about the difference between fitting in and belonging. Fitting in requires us to change or become who we need to be within a certain situation for approval; whereas belonging simply requires us to be ourselves without changing anything. She emphasizes that love and belonging cannot be separated because when we are most ourselves we feel truly loved and appreciated, despite our imperfections.
            The same day I read this I ironically was listening to Father Mike Schmitz’s podcast on the fall of Adam and Eve which touches on a similar concept.  I had heard the story of Adam and Eve many times so I doubted there was anything new I would take away from this podcast; quite the contrary. Father Schmitz discussed how when the serpent tempts Adam and Eve, he is not just challenging whether or not they believe in God, but whether they belong to him.  In essence, he is asking them if they will obey him because they know He loves them and wants the best for them.  So often times when we choose sin, not only are we doubting God’s love, but we are making the decision that we don’t belong to Him anymore.  Brene brown says, “We are biologically, cognitively, physically, and spiritually wired to love, to be loved, and to belong. When those needs are not met, we don’t function as we are meant to be. We break. We fall apart. We numb. We ache. We hurt others. We get sick.” Essentially, we sin or turn to sin.
When God says, “Who told you that you were naked, have you eaten of the tree I asked you not to eat?” Sometimes we hear that as God’s anger instead of the heartbreak of our father who loves us so much. The heartbreak that his children chose something against belonging to Him; against love itself.
            God proceeds to talk about labor pains women will endure and the suffering of man. However, this is not meant to be a curse but rather a remedy.  I was surprised to hear this because I always thought of it as a punishment.  A remedy?  He goes on to explain that love always involves sacrifice. God knew that the only way for them to be brought back to love, to be brought home and belong to Him, would be to embrace and know love itself through their own everyday crosses and sacrifices.  God guards the tree of life.  Not because he doesn’t want them to live forever, but because he doesn’t want them to live in that brokenness forever. He wants them to spend eternity with him.
            Brene brown points out that “the absence of love and belonging will always lead to suffering.” This was a moment of clarity for me.  This is why God allows us to suffer.  He knows that we were created for love and to belong to him. Anything less than that will tempt us to doubt his goodness and our own inherent goodness, straying toward fitting in and gaining approval.  And when we stray from God, not trusting Him or loving our most authentic selves, we often choose sin. God knew that the only way back home to our father’s heart would be to attach our suffering to that of the cross, to come to know him intimately and rely on him as children.  So yes, God knows that we will suffer and allows us this only because love cannot exist without suffering.  And since God is love we cannot find our true selves and feel whole until we let God embrace us through the cross, through our sufferings. 
            In our perfectionist society it is easy to forget who we are and get caught up in striving and hustling for approval.  I challenge you to reflect on whose who are, despite your actions and imperfections.  Sacrifice your time for another, embrace your struggle, accept your current uncomfortable situation, and find God in the midst of it all.  There you will find love. 

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