A Difficult Christmas

I don’t know who cried more tonight, me or the baby.  Of course I didn’t let him hear me cry. I just felt the tears run down my face and let his meet mine.  Another ear infection, after tubes, on Christmas Eve.  Dad is away for work and the family is out.  He hasn’t let me put him down for hours, and I can feel him sweating as the fever breaks.  My thoughts were that this is possibly the worst Christmas ever. 
Lately I’ve been trying to make a point to look for the good in everything and keep a perspective of gratitude.  But right now all I wanted to do was throw something at a Christmas tree because I really didn’t feel like being Joyful, and I felt very alone.  My thoughts shifted toward Mary and the birth of Christ.  I began to dwell on what pain she might have endured that night.  The bible doesn’t go into detail, but I can imagine she went through a great deal of agony before she had him.  I mean, it’s not like they had an anaesthesiologist there to give her an epidural. Even after a child is born, your hormones can get a little crazy and maybe she even had some baby blues.  Some believe because she was without sin and holy she didn’t endure labor pains, but I guarantee you she suffered in spirit.  I don’t think I could ride 90 miles on a donkey at 32 weeks without knowing where I’m delivering and still have a smile on my face.
Can you imagine looking at your newborn, falling in love with him, and then realizing he was going to die before you in a few years and there was nothing you could do to stop it?  Okay my babies ear infection isn’t that bad and his dad will be home soon. But seriously.  We think of Christ’s coming as all good and joyful, because it was exactly that.  But through many of Jesus’ revelations, there was a great deal of suffering involved before he revealed himself or his healing powers.  It’s easy to focus on a miracle or the final revelation and not spend so much time contemplating the suffering it took to get there.   And honestly, it’s kind of depressing to focus on pain and suffering.  But without it we wouldn’t have Joy.  Without the cross we wouldn’t have Christ.  Without Mary’s sacrifice and leap of faith we wouldn’t have the baby Jesus and Christmas itself.
As beautiful as this holiday can be, it can also be a painful reminder of people we have loved and lost, tragedies we have endured, or troublesome situations we may be currently facing.  And it seems even harder when you are surrounded by social media, lights, singing, and world telling you that it’s the happiest time of the year.  You may feel even more alone.  And that’s okay. 
This year know that Christmas may not come for you on 12/25.  But it will come, in God’s timing.  He sees your labor pains, your scars, and your persevering heart.  Turn to him, as a child and let him help you carry whatever burden you may be facing this Christmas.  Let Him be your gift. 
Merry Christmas.
 
 

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